How did our teachers and professors go through the whirlwind of adolescence? And what can we learn from them apart from their knowledge of philosophy? The third interviewee in the series about our teachers' and tutors' student days is Fenna Deinum — our study advisor, tutor coordinator, and tutor in courses like Enlightenment, Thought Experiments, and Ecophilosophy. So, what did Fenna do when she was a student herself to become the supportive wise owl she is today?
What kind of student were you?
“I was quite a serious student and always well prepared, but I was also a social student. I often studied together with other people and when exams were coming up, we would collectively talk through the material. I was a bit of a scared student as well. I was afraid I wouldn’t perform well or make a mistake in class. Luckily, this fear got smaller the further I progressed in my studies.”
“I was afraid of being in a room and not knowing the answer to a question”
What was your biggest study struggle as a student?
“My biggest challenge was dealing with the fear of failure. For example, if I didn’t have time to prepare a class, I wouldn’t go at all, which is something I now regret. I was afraid of being in a room and not knowing the answer to a question. Another challenge for me was that I struggled with my mental health for a time during my studies. This was also due to the lack of an external structure. I really had to motivate myself every day to do my readings and prepare my classes. For the record: I studied at Erasmus University College, so the program structure differed a bit from the structure at ESPhil. This lack of structure could sometimes make me feel like I was never done studying, and I felt guilty whenever I took some time off. Looking back now, the fear of failure and a lack of normal structure, really having to do everything by yourself and motivate yourself, were my biggest challenges.”
And how did you find a way through these challenges?
“With the fear of failure, it helped to get a bit older and get the experience that actually nothing much happens when you don’t know something, or you’re not prepared. So, that’s something I could kind of let go of once I got into my master’s. When I got to ESPhil the culture was also quite different compared to EUC. Concerning the lack of structure, I think studying with others helped me – to not study at home and do everything by yourself. I always did other things when I studied at home and that was a bit of a problem. It worked well for me to always study space outside of my house to separate my study time and my free time, so that when I was at home, I could be free and at peace. I studied in Polak a lot where I had a couple hours of hyperfocus, in which I could do a lot, say in six hours.”
How did you balance studying with fun activities?
“During my bachelor’s at EUC, fun activities were embedded in the study. I was in the Arts & Crafts Committee. I took part in a choir, which was a lot of fun. Many activities were organized by the active study association, so I would go to those, together with my fellow students. We saw each other almost every day, so it was really easy to plan and do fun things. I also spent a lot of time doing my hobbies that didn’t cost too much money or take too much time, like playing the guitar and painting.”
Which life lesson has added most to your wellbeing?
“If you can’t control things, let them go. And don’t try to control the things you can’t. Whether it is stuff that is happening to you, or maybe to other people and to the relationships you have with them. Just like Elsa from Frozen says: ‘Let it go!’ It is really cheesy, but it’s true. There was a point in my life in which I learned to focus more on letting go than on controlling and that was such a freeing experience! If you struggle with anxiety or feel fear of failure than perhaps this is something to think of.”
"A song that adds to my wellbeing is Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole by Martha Wainwright”
What artwork or form of expression helped you through a rough patch and why?
“There are no specific films that I think of now, but I did watch a lot of them and there have been elements of movies which I really connected to and that added to my wellbeing in some way as well. For me, the form of expression that I get back to every time is music and making music. I am about to cuss now – sorry – but there is this song called Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole by Martha Wainwright. It is quite easy to play on the guitar and belt along with. That is the song I play whenever I get frustrated. Making music is a way for me to relax.”
This interview was written by ESPhil wellbeing officer Charlie van Dijl.
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